TW: self harm.
This post is not glorifying self harm or encouraging others to self harm. I am against self harm and intend through this post to educate people on self harm.
Why do people self harm? This is a question I am sure many people who don’t self harm ask themselves and I asked myself it a few years ago when I found out my friend and a friend of a friend were self harming. I could not comprehend why someone would want to hurt themselves. This was until I started scratching myself to self harm a few months ago.
I think there are many different reasons why people self harm and each individual will have their own reasons. I am writing this post to shed light on my reasons for self harming and try and help others understand more why people self harm.
Self harming for me is an impulsive compulsion. I often do it almost instinctively. For me it is an outlet, a habit, a sense of relief. Sometimes when I’m anxious I scratch myself. However, there is an underlying desire for me to harm myself and it has got to the point where I take delight in making myself bleed. I often feel better after I self harm and use it to deal with emotions.
Now that I have addressed why I self harm I will explain why I want to stop. I want to stop self harming and am going to stop because the real me deep inside doesn’t want to do this, only the ill me does. I want to stop because I know that it is very unhealthy and I am worried about it getting much worse or me turning to other self harm methods. I want to stop because I don’t want to be defined by this illness; I don’t want to be labelled. I also want to stop because it is hurting people I love. I just want to stop and I think finally I have the strength and determination to stop.
I have decided that I will use things like art, poetry or music as distractions if I feel like self harming.