Ever since I was raped after going to a man I was dating’s house people have told me not to go to people’s houses and have told me “be careful” when I started dating. People were even telling me that I couldn’t meet a man at night just for a drink. I find this absolutely ridiculous and frankly I feel victim blamed when people say things like this as it makes me feel like they are saying that my decisions caused me to be raped when in fact it was another person who happened to be a man’s actions that caused me to be raped. I think it isn’t helpful telling people these things as realistically they could be raped by anyone and in any situation and it’s a matter of chance.
I haven’t spoke completely honestly about my rape on here because I’ve wanted to think I am better and stronger than I am. The truth is that although I am making a lot of progress in my recovery there are still days sometimes when I feel the great weight of the pain from rape stopping me from moving forward with my life. On these days I often find myself writing letters to the rapist or myself or writing down my feelings about the rape.
In all honesty, I struggled to face the third month anniversary because it was a reminder for me that I had actually been raped and I couldn’t bear to face this fact.
So yes, I am strong and I am refusing to let this defeat me but there are some days when I struggle and that’s understandable given what I’ve been through and as it’s only been almost four months now.