Bipolar, Mental Health

Accepting I Probably Won’t Ever Be Cured Or Fully “Better” is Helping Me With My Bipolar Recovery

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia a year and four months ago and have been given a bipolar disorder diagnosis by four different psychiatrists in just under a year. I never denied I had the illness, I just denied to myself how much better I would get with the help of medication. I believed that I had to have ALL my symptoms gone to be recovered and that anything less than this, even if my symptoms were reduced was not good enough. I think I just really wanted my illness to go away as the highs can be horrible as well as the lows. I couldn’t accept my bipolar disorder as a part of who I am and couldn’t accept that symptom reduction might be the best I can do.

Since I have accepted that it’s unlikely my bipolar disorder will go away and that it can’t be cured I have managed to better live with my illness and thus my symtoms. I have become more accepting of my illness and therefore my personality .

This will help me with my recovery as I will be better able to achieve my goals and stronger if I am living in harmony with my bipolar. My friend who talks to me every day strongly believes I am getting to a point of being in recovery and I believe he is right. I am achieving more of my aims and getting my life back together and I am not currently unstable. I am a bit hypomanic but I am not overly hypomanic and my highs are not currently affecting my decision making and stopping me from achieving my aims. I am getting control over my life and not letting my illness dictate how things will be. 

Journal, Mental Health, Rape, Sexual Violence

My Scratching Shows My Pain

I know I am in pain again because I have started self harming by scratching again and specifically on my wrist. I hardly ever did this anymore until recently. I started during the lead up to therapy. I know it is because of my trauma of my rape that I scratch but I don’t know how to stop. I am out of control and the moment and find it very hard to stop.