art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

Please don’t tell me this is goodbye

Your best friend heart still stays
On my bracelet
Even though you no longer mean anything
To me.

You never gave me a best friend charm
And yet you mean so much to me.

They ignored me and I didn’t care.
You ignored me and I cried.

Please don’t tell me this is goodbye
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

A letter to someone I used to care about so much who once hurt me so deeply

To the guy who hurt me so much,

As it has been almost a year now since what happened between us ended and you were violent towards me I thought it would be fitting to write this no send letter to express my feelings towards you.

Firstly, I want you to know that I don’t care about you anymore. I no longer wish that what we had was still going on.

I don’t think about you anymore. I don’t even remember our memories anymore. I’m not reminded of you when I go to places where we used to go or when I wear clothes I wore with you. I can even listen to those two songs we listened to together without thinking of you.

I don’t cry over you or about what you did to me when you raped me and I don’t think about my rape during my day to day life.

I haven’t crumbled. I am a strong warrior and I have survived what you put me through.

In short I have moved on as I no longer have feelings towards you, I don’t give a shit about you and I am not reminded of what you put me through every single day.

I am okay. Things aren’t perfect but I am self harming a lot less now.

 

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art, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

I am free

I am chilling on rainbows
Up above in a cloudless blue sky.

I ride my unicorn here
And dance to upbeat tunes
Even when the sun sets.

I gaze at the pure beauty of everyone here,
It’s so delightful.

I am ecstatically happy,
I feel so divine.
Everything is so fine.
I am free.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

My face is dry but my soul is a flood

Okay in one way just not the other.
No scars on my hands but scars on my heart.

No tears fall from my pained art, there’s just blood.

My face is dry but my soul is a flood.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

I am thankful that you are my friend

After all of these years
I never thought you would be the one,
The one who would stay true to me.

All that time wasted on others
Who didn’t stay true to me
Even though they meant so much to me.

You didn’t stop caring when I lost my mind
And that I am thankful for.

You were always kind
And yet I was propelled towards my more exciting friend.

As I am on my way to see you now I think of all of our memories spent on holiday together
And partying during our adolescence
And I am thankful that you are my friend.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, mental illness, Uncategorized

Catching up with old friends always feels great

I have had a great past 10 days or so.

I have seen two of my closest friends Danielle and Rachel as well as Alessa and the people from the bipolar support group. It has been a week of new friendship as us people from support group hung out and created a whatsapp group.

I caught up with my friend Kaja which was great as I am very fond of her and it’s nice to see how much progress we have both made in our mental health journeys.

One of my new friends from the support group was there for me when I needed to talk to someone as I knew she would understand.

The past ten days have reminded me of the importance of friendship and about how friendship enriches our lives.

 

I look forward to seeing Sian today and Rachel on Thursday.

 

I have to admit I am still a bit on the manic side but I’m enjoying it and I haven’t got up to any mischief so far. I think I am getting a lot better at being in control whilst being manic and not doing anything reckless.

I embarrassed myself at the weekend by laughing hysterically in public but I’m over that.

At the moment I am realising that I am enjoying life a lot more as I appreciate books and films more.

 

 

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Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

I am learning to live in the present and not let my past invade my mind

Thankfully one of my very good friends told me that I shouldn’t count my rape anniversary. I wasn’t really counting it, I was just aware of when it was. But anyway, I think it’s really good she made me aware that it’s not good at all to focus on that.

 

The thing with trauma is that you never really forget it and if you remember the exact date it happened it can make moving on tricky.

I have decided to not let myself think about that or think about the feelings I have towards my rapist as I need to move on and I don’t move forward with my life if I am just absorbed with the past.

I will try and distract myself with other things such as reading or watching a film if I start to think that way and I will distract myself anyway.

It is tragic that I lost so much so quickly and that it all fell apart the wrong way but there is nothing I can do but focus on the present and new better experiences.

 

 

 

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