Bipolar, bipolar disorder, depression, Journal, mania, Mental Health, mental illness, Uncategorized

University and bipolar disorder is difficult but not impossible

I haven’t blogged for months and it’s because I’ve been busy at university with my studies, my social life and bipolar. I am not going to lie and tell you it has been easy. There have been weeks when I’ve done no work because I’ve been depressed or manic, I was suicidal for a few days and I’ve had bursts of manic anger but I have managed. I have taken days off of school for doctors appointments or for sickness but I have completed all of my assignments and at the moment I am taking my exams and I have been doing well at school even though at times I have been really quite ill mentally. I have been extremely anxious for months and even had panic attacks. I have alienated friends by talking about my mental health too much with them and I have even lost friends from being too intense but I’m still here and I’m achieving and I’m happy to have met some wonderful people and to have reconnected with friends.

Recently my friend told me that me talking about my anxiety to him a lot was too much for him and I instantly took this on board and decided to go to the university staff about my mental health instead of my friends. I instantly felt so bad and guilty for what I had done and I wanted to remedy this.

I feel great because I have proved the people wrong who thought that I was too ill to go to university. Bipolar disorder may disable me but it is not stopping me from functioning and getting on with my life.

 

 

Advertisements
Standard
Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Blog Post, depression, Journal, mania, Mental Health, mental illness, Uncategorized

Manic isn’t me- when someone meets you after a manic episode

My ex-open boyfriend met me when I was in a manic episode. I was so full of life, energy, humour and love when I was with him. The electricity was turned on and I couldn’t turn it off. Then when I was back at university and I got depressed and talked to him on the phone he was confused. He thought that this was my permanent state, that he knew who I was. But he couldn’t be more wrong. My state of mind had changed and he didn’t like what he saw. He wanted me to be constantly happy, elated. joyful. It is funny how people who don’t know you well can think your manic self is your true self and then they don’t want to be around you when you are low.

Standard