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I don’t want to feel crazy

My bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder mean that at times I can act like what other perceive as ‘crazy’ or out of the norm behaviour. This week two people have called me out on my behaviour when I phoned them up just because they had not replied to a message. Of course this is forgetting my own insecurities that if I message someone saying I’m on the train and they don’t reply I’m worried that they will not see me at the station. Also, if someone’s messages come with read receipts and they don’t reply I assume they just won’t reply as they normally reply instantly.

I just don’t want others to feel I am crazy or that I’m acting crazy and it makes me feel terrible to feel like I’m acting crazy. I just don’t want these illnesses to genuinely make me act like an insane person. I just want to be normal. 

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3 thoughts on “I don’t want to feel crazy

  1. Poor thing. I want to scoop you up in my arms, rock you softly and tell you it’s OK. There’s nothing really wrong with us, we’re just different. If I were a murderous psychopath, or if I selfishly only cared about myself, or if I celebrated when others suffered, sure, that’d be a problem, but instead I just sometimes over-care about people, worry a little sometimes, and obsess, occasionally. I was writing about that, or trying to express that, today, but haven’t gotten it out yet.

    I can’t be there, but you should know, it’s OK to care, and not crazy to show concern. Even kind of normal to check in and want a response. At least I hope so, because it’s what I’m prone to do. If anything, I think it’s crazy to be indifferent or malicious. And I can’t support people who maliciously call other people “crazy,” unless they’re referring to indifferent or malicious people.

    ❤ DM

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