I fantasise about suicide sometimes. It’s strange, I have had threesomes but I don’t really fantasise about them or about other sexual situations but I fantasise about suicide.
I only fantasise about suicide in romantic ways of course.
Suicides that involve me drowning in a bath after taking a shitload of diazepam and maybe even slitting my wrists in the bath.
Even just the idea of slitting ones wrists in the bath are a fantasy.
Today I thought about slitting my wrists and I got so close to actually doing it. I was near the knives.
Before this happened I called up the hospital and told them I was fantasising. All they said was take your meds and go to sleep.
I am writing this post because maybe if I write about my fantasies it will keep me alive.