bipolar disorder, Borderline personality disorder

The romanticisation of suicide

I fantasise about suicide sometimes. It’s strange, I have had threesomes but I don’t really fantasise about them or about other sexual situations but I fantasise about suicide. 

I only fantasise about suicide in romantic ways of course.

Suicides that involve me drowning in a bath after taking a shitload of diazepam and maybe even slitting my wrists in the bath.

Even just the idea of slitting ones wrists in the bath are a fantasy.

Today I thought about slitting my wrists and I got so close to actually doing it. I was near the knives.

Before this happened I called up the hospital and told them I was fantasising. All they said was take your meds and go to sleep.

I am writing this post because maybe if I write about my fantasies it will keep me alive. 

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