I called up a bipolar helpline today as things are getting too much for me and I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything that I have been feeling. It became clear that if I had actually made some terrible manic reckless decisions they would have said different things but I haven’t so they were fine with me waiting to see the psych once I’m back at university. Besides, although I am struggling I don’t really want any medication changes as I don’t want to have my emotions numbed and I have been worse anyway.
I have been struggling with such intense feelings of love, worry, anxiety, anger and inflated ego and grandiosity as well as euphoria. It just all feels too much even for me and I want to feel less. My ego is inflated as I am constantly thinking about how beautiful my physical appearance is all the time even when I’m not looking in the mirror. Normally I don’t think I’m ugly but at the same time I do not feel that I am so bloody important.
I have also been very cheeky with people and I’ve started to make inappropriate and offensive jokes.
I would take my PRN meds but they are not prescribing them to me anymore.
So in spite of the fact that I am not being promiscuous or spending lots of money I am having trouble dealing with how intense my feelings are.