Feminism, Journal, Mental Health, mental illness, no send letter, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

A final letter to you, my rapist; I’m moving on

I want to say I hate you but the words don’t slip out of my mouth smoothly.

Instead I ask you why? Why did you do this? What provoked you to hurt me so much?

I wish I’d asked you when I had the chance but now I will never get an answer.

The only satisfaction I will ever get is that I made you cry by describing what you did to me without saying the words rape.

The only justice I will get is that i got you to almost confess as you confessed that you attempted to rape me before I corrected you and said it was rape.

I don’t hate you as a whole person but I hate the part of you that decided to humiliate and get power over a young woman who was very ill with bipolar disorder at the time.

I hate what you did to me. I hate what you inflicted on me at the time and I hate how you made me feel for minutes, hours, days and months afterwards. I hate that disgusting memory you gave me with your violent forceful act.

As I said to you before and I will say again, you had no right to take my choice, my virginity, my power, to not use a condom and temporarily take my life from me as I was left to build myself back up after the fallout.

I really hope if you don’t now that at some point you will feel guilty for so cruelly leaving a permanent mark on someone’s life and that you will learn your lesson and never commit such a vile crime ever again.

You have not broken me, you have not defeated me, you have not crushed me. You no longer have ANY power over me. I have written lots of poems about the trauma you inflicted on me, lots of letters to you and I have mourned what we had.

I am moving on and I am going back to university in September to start the second year of my degree.

I am going to have a good life and I will not let what you did stop me from enjoying myself and hold me back from achieving what I want and living the life I would have otherwise lived.