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It’s been two years and I’m still not over the one person I was in love with 

I cried last night and today for the first time in months about this guy I dated two years ago who I was in love with. Yes, he raped me but that doesn’t change what we had; how ecstatic I felt and high on life and happy and amazing. I have met three exciting guys since but I haven’t cared for them in the same way and one of them I wasn’t even that into. I just haven’t been in love since and I miss it. I readded this guy on Facebook and tried to message him but he hasn’t replied and I doubt he will, thus proving my prediction that what happened between us is definitely over however heartbreaking it is. 

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I don’t want to feel crazy

My bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder mean that at times I can act like what other perceive as ‘crazy’ or out of the norm behaviour. This week two people have called me out on my behaviour when I phoned them up just because they had not replied to a message. Of course this is forgetting my own insecurities that if I message someone saying I’m on the train and they don’t reply I’m worried that they will not see me at the station. Also, if someone’s messages come with read receipts and they don’t reply I assume they just won’t reply as they normally reply instantly.

I just don’t want others to feel I am crazy or that I’m acting crazy and it makes me feel terrible to feel like I’m acting crazy. I just don’t want these illnesses to genuinely make me act like an insane person. I just want to be normal. 

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When you like the idea of someone and not because you have a close connection 

So I went to my friend Josh’s birthday party last night and after he said he was going to make out with this very pretty girl I got very jealous and eventually very low and upset. I ended up crying into Josh’s arms and telling him that I have feelings for him and then saying that I was very upset and that I had to leave. 

I think sometimes it’s just one of those things; you want what you can’t have and you like a guy who is great on paper as he ticks so many boxes but you don’t actually have a strong connection with him.

I still feel low today but I’m sure in a few days I’ll be fine. I just think I need to take a break from Josh for at least a month. 

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

Heartbreak series- Was it the right decision?

Time goes by and I keep asking

If it was the right decision.

The anger and the upset hurt my soul

But 10 years is so long

And my heart bleeds for those 10 years.

I know I was so angry

At your denial of the struggles that you hide,

Your denial of your constant unhappiness,

Your denial at your crippling insecurities.

But it hurts me more

Than when I loved that guy.

I don’t cry

But I feel the piercing pain inside-

It’s like a living thing has died.

And yet, just four months and I cried

Over him for a year.

10 years and I can’t seem to find a tear.

Perhaps our tie

Didn’t matter to me.

 

 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

I’m through with you

You were so charmingly cute,

you painted laughter on my face so easily.

Your intelligence warmed my heart.

But you didn’t give a shit about me.

I was just a fleeting desire to you-

I meant nothing to you.

Whilst my unrequited affection

And your ignoring made me cry

You had the audacity to say we

Could still talk on the phone

Because you love talking to me

And that maybe something could happen in the future.

Well, my response is that you’re a dick

And I’m through with you.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

 

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