Uncategorized

I wrote you a love poem but all you could say was thank you.

My expression of adoration rejected and everything’s the same

Except it isn’t –

The word friend is tattooed on my wrist.

You write poetry too 

But you would never say you love me

At least not like that.

I have a charm that says the words love

But no one to give it to.

You rejected my charm

And broke my heart

With all your head fucks-

All the times you flirted with me, 

that time you made a move on me.

People even saw that intense expression of love in your eyes

When you looked at me

But apparently I am just a friend.
Just a friend and I am fed up with men playing with my heart.

I am fragile and I have been broken and crushed by you and two others this year.

I don’t want to ever feel so dead inside again.

This heartache has broken me and now I just want to be alone.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 201

Advertisements
Standard
Uncategorized

It’s been two years and I’m still not over the one person I was in love with 

I cried last night and today for the first time in months about this guy I dated two years ago who I was in love with. Yes, he raped me but that doesn’t change what we had; how ecstatic I felt and high on life and happy and amazing. I have met three exciting guys since but I haven’t cared for them in the same way and one of them I wasn’t even that into. I just haven’t been in love since and I miss it. I readded this guy on Facebook and tried to message him but he hasn’t replied and I doubt he will, thus proving my prediction that what happened between us is definitely over however heartbreaking it is. 

Standard
Uncategorized

I don’t want to feel crazy

My bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder mean that at times I can act like what other perceive as ‘crazy’ or out of the norm behaviour. This week two people have called me out on my behaviour when I phoned them up just because they had not replied to a message. Of course this is forgetting my own insecurities that if I message someone saying I’m on the train and they don’t reply I’m worried that they will not see me at the station. Also, if someone’s messages come with read receipts and they don’t reply I assume they just won’t reply as they normally reply instantly.

I just don’t want others to feel I am crazy or that I’m acting crazy and it makes me feel terrible to feel like I’m acting crazy. I just don’t want these illnesses to genuinely make me act like an insane person. I just want to be normal. 

Standard
Uncategorized

When you like the idea of someone and not because you have a close connection 

So I went to my friend Josh’s birthday party last night and after he said he was going to make out with this very pretty girl I got very jealous and eventually very low and upset. I ended up crying into Josh’s arms and telling him that I have feelings for him and then saying that I was very upset and that I had to leave. 

I think sometimes it’s just one of those things; you want what you can’t have and you like a guy who is great on paper as he ticks so many boxes but you don’t actually have a strong connection with him.

I still feel low today but I’m sure in a few days I’ll be fine. I just think I need to take a break from Josh for at least a month. 

Standard
art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

Heartbreak series- Was it the right decision?

Time goes by and I keep asking

If it was the right decision.

The anger and the upset hurt my soul

But 10 years is so long

And my heart bleeds for those 10 years.

I know I was so angry

At your denial of the struggles that you hide,

Your denial of your constant unhappiness,

Your denial at your crippling insecurities.

But it hurts me more

Than when I loved that guy.

I don’t cry

But I feel the piercing pain inside-

It’s like a living thing has died.

And yet, just four months and I cried

Over him for a year.

10 years and I can’t seem to find a tear.

Perhaps our tie

Didn’t matter to me.

 

 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

Standard