Uncategorized

No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

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Uncategorized

It’s been two years and I’m still not over the one person I was in love with 

I cried last night and today for the first time in months about this guy I dated two years ago who I was in love with. Yes, he raped me but that doesn’t change what we had; how ecstatic I felt and high on life and happy and amazing. I have met three exciting guys since but I haven’t cared for them in the same way and one of them I wasn’t even that into. I just haven’t been in love since and I miss it. I readded this guy on Facebook and tried to message him but he hasn’t replied and I doubt he will, thus proving my prediction that what happened between us is definitely over however heartbreaking it is. 

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, mental illness

Bipolar disorder and vulnerability to rape 

I think it is important that the vulnerability to rape as a result of bipolar disorder is addressed. I have been manic many times now and raped three times and sexually assaulted on other occasions because sometimes when I’m in a manic episode I don’t realise what’s going on and it’s much easier to take advantage of me. 

I didn’t write about it but in the summer I went on a tinder date and the guy got us both extremely drunk by getting us both to have sixteen drinks and all with the purpose to have sex which is made clear by him suggesting to go to a hotel room. I can’t remember what happened right before intercourse so I can’t remember if I consented but I do remember wanting him to stop but not being able to express this as I was too drunk.

Another time at university I was too drunk to consent as I can hardly remember what happened that night and I can’t remember if I consented to giving oral sex but I know anyway that legally I couldn’t consent with the amount of alcohol I had had.

I really think people need to be educated on how alcohol affects your ability to consent but also on not to prey on vulnerable individuals. People sometimes tell me to cut down on my drinking but this doesn’t solve the problem as there will always be someone targeted and anyway if I am manic I will drink more. 

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You forcibly imprinted my first kiss upon my lips

You forcibly imprinted my first kiss
On my lips.
You must have known I wasn’t okay
As I refused to imprint a kiss onto your lips.
You asked me if I was okay
But didn’t listen to my passive, statue like actions.

I was a doll to you-
You touched me,
You forced yourself on top of me
And dry humped me.
You told me you were going to get you a condom
And if I had never said, “I don’t want to have sex with you”
You never would have stopped.

I’d had eight shots that night maybe more
So I was in no state to consent.
Of course I never wanted it to happen like this.
You weren’t the right person,
It wasn’t the right place,
I don’t know if I was even ready for this.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

 

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You are a rapist and you disgust me

Cruel snake tempting me

With false kindness, humour, understanding-

All lies

When all you wanted was to have power over me.
Your misogynistic devil’s horns

Don’t trick me anymore.

I refuse to let your deceitful smile charm me.

I didn’t let you kill me

And you won’t overthrow me.
Undeserved, unjust, horrible violation

Of body, mind and soul.

You raped me,

You are a rapist.

You should feel terrible for the rest of your life.

For violating another human being,

For stealing from another human being,

For being so cruel to a vulnerable girl,

For taking someone’s virginity with force,

For denying what you did.

Admit to yourself that you are a rapist

But don’t be surprised that you disgust me.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence

Stolen innocence 

A magpie stole a white diamond with force-

Non-consensual plucking of every white feather from the dove’s coat.

Blood stained white dress as

Innocence is unlawfully taken from her in an instant-

Violated sexuality.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence

He stole my white handkerchief 

Someone stole my white handkerchief without my consent.

Now I am left to deal with my grief

And resentment.
My pretty summer dresses remind me of those times or laughter.

If it weren’t for that side of him we would have been so good together 
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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