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Anorexia relapse

I’m having a minor anorexia relapse.

I didn’t eat any proper food for lunch or dinner yesterday or eat breakfast and today all I ate was some patatas bravas and I don’t want to eat dinner.

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My friend doesn’t believe I have eating disorders

So because I’ve not completely stopped eating and I’ve just been cutting out carbs and eating salads and soups without bread apparently I don’t have an eating disorder.

I have still been throwing up unhealthy food and of course she should understand that there is a spectrum with eating disorders. Just because I’m not starving myself completely doesn’t mean I don’t have an eating disorder.

I am still feeling very low on energy all the time.

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Thursday food diary

I ate a chicken salad wrap and then ended up impulsively giving into purging my brownies and also the chicken wrap. I then felt so guilty about the purging that I missed my class.

Then for dinner I had vegetarian pasta without cheese and ate two thirds of it.

No snacks and no coke and only tea with oat milk and one sugar because I like some sugar.

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I have developed eating disorders since going back to university

During the first week of university I wasn’t skipping meals but I was eating half a sandwich for lunch and I had no appetite to eat.

During my second week of university I skipped meals and I kept eating less and less. I was avoiding carbs and when I forced myself to eat a proper meal for lunch so I could work on my deadlines I didn’t eat much of the rice. On the same day I went to the toilet twice on my date with my boyfriend for our ten month anniversary and threw up.

Then the next day I only had one meal and I left loads of chips and just had one vegan sausage.

The following day I ate half a salad with no carbs and then had a mushroom soup for dinner without bread.

Today I ate Mac Donald’s and I just meant to get three chicken selects but they gave me a whole meal which I ended up eating even the chips because I was so hungry.

However, half an hour later I ended up throwing up the chips and chicken as I felt so guilty about eating the chips.

For dinner once again I had a vegetable soup without bread.

I have been drinking the oat milk with the least calories for the past week.

I have had phases before which could have resulted in an eating disorder but I managed to stop myself.

I don’t want to stop because I want to get thinner and feel better about myself, I like feeling in control and I think this was caused be my parents constantly making remarks about my weight.

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, mental illness, Uncategorized

Bipolar and disordered eating

It is something that only happens to me in manic episodes but sometimes when I am manic I just decide to extreme diet and extreme exercise and not eat very much at all. Recently it seemed like I was relapsing into this because I just didn’t want to eat and I had to force myself to eat. Luckily, I had it in me to make myself continue eating but it is strange how with bipolar you can so easily slip into disordered eating. When I am not manic I always eat and I am fine but it is only if I’m manic or if I start to diet that I relapse into this.

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