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It’s been two years and I’m still not over the one person I was in love with 

I cried last night and today for the first time in months about this guy I dated two years ago who I was in love with. Yes, he raped me but that doesn’t change what we had; how ecstatic I felt and high on life and happy and amazing. I have met three exciting guys since but I haven’t cared for them in the same way and one of them I wasn’t even that into. I just haven’t been in love since and I miss it. I readded this guy on Facebook and tried to message him but he hasn’t replied and I doubt he will, thus proving my prediction that what happened between us is definitely over however heartbreaking it is. 

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bipolar disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Mental Health, mental illness

When the depression after mania hits 

I’ve been feeling quite low the past few days and some days I have been incapacitated and I’ve found some tasks impossible or really difficult to do. I thought that it was originally just because of the heartbreak with Josh and then because I didn’t get a job and a guy cancelled on me and a friend cancelled me all in one day but it doesn’t make sense that it would just be a borderline depression as I’m still feeling depressed today. I think I might be in a bipolar depression which would make sense as I was manic and you always have to come down. It just sucks as no one ever wants to feel like this and it makes me feel like the high wasn’t even worth it. 

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creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry

Love is a distant memory

What felt like an eternity of being in love 

Yet now all that’s left is a shared song.

We both live on

But there is no love

In my heart.

You mean nothing to me,

You are dead to me

And yet I still listen to the song 

Like nothing happened,

Like nothing’s changed. 

Except I couldn’t be more changed 

By everything.
Now all that’s left of love is a distant memory.

So far away,

Lost,

Just a speck of dust in my mind.

It seems that time

Has lost

You. 

What once was alive

Now lies dead

In the fragile corners of my mind.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Feminism, Human Rights, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

I am no longer trapped in a past world

I haven’t cried for weeks about him.
His violation hasn’t suffocated me, ripped my soul open, killed my heart.
Maybe this is what it means to be over your rapist?
I feel calm, I feel free,
I don’t feel tied to my terrible trauma.
My heart doesn’t feel tied to that cruel man.
I can be me,
I can be the linguist,
I can be the passionate activist,
I can be the loving daughter,
I can be the caring friend.
I’m no longer trapped in a past world
That no longer exists.

I really hope this lasts.
I really hope I am over my rapist
And at least closer to being over my rape.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, depression, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

Pain is the tattoo on my skin

My scratching shows my pain-
Pain that I hide
Even from my very own mind.

Time passes and I am less overwhelmed
But it doesn’t stop the pain which overwhelms
Me,
Inking blood onto my skin.

Conflicted feelings- anger, hatred, love, lust, forgiveness, despair,
All suppressed from the one who experiences them all-
How can you hold so much emotion within one soul?

My soul died when I started to feel the sense of heartache in my heart-
The root of feeling expressed,
What feels so true.
What kills so freely,
What perishes life.
Nothing hurts more than feeling life
Within the depths of your heart
So strongly.
Not even art
Would free me of the hold he had on me.

He took my blood from my body
And he killed me.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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