New post for memoir: 2nd of December: I’m drowning and I can’t get up
I’m drowning and I can’t get out of this state. This is what it feels like when you’re in a severe depressive episode from bipolar; you can’t get up from shore and most of the time you just sit or lie there hoping that eventually you will find the mental strength to swim.
Today I will go to Pret A Manger and get some lunch but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still drowning; drowning so much that I can’t face my friends and the only people I’ve really spoken to recently are my parents and my sister and my boyfriend.
I’m drowning and I can’t get up so I take one more antidepressant than I should in the hopes that this will help things.
I’m drowning and I can’t get up and yet I still miss my meds.
I’m drowning and I can’t get up and yet I still sleep through the days when my psychologist tells me I shouldn’t do this.
I’m drowning so even though I love Bojack Horseman I don’t even want to watch another episode today.
I’m drowning so all I want is hugs and cups of tea and cigarettes.
I’m drowning so I don’t even dare drink because I am almost paralysed in this state; drinking is definitely not worth it.
I’m drowning and the hardest part is some people don’t understand and never will understand what it feels like when your soul is suffocated in darkness.
I’m drowning and I can’t get up but yet I know because this has happened so many times before that this will not be forever and I will eventually have the mental energy and strength and I will get up and see my friends and get a job.
Copyright © Electra Rose December 2018