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Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions

Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions
— Read on petition.parliament.uk/petitions/231772

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I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better,

I’ll just have some shisha so I feel better,

I’ll just have a drink so I feel better,

I used to smoke weed to feel better,

I used to sleep with lots of guys to feel better,

I used to overdose to feel better.

Now I travel to feel better,

But is it just an escape?

And what have I been escaping all these months?

Am I still damaged from 2016?

I just don’t know so I continue to travel to feel better,

To try and find something better.

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You asked for space, I got suicidal

Today I’m suicidal because my friend asked me for space. With my borderline personality disorder I struggle to deal with change and potential breakups.

The things that stopped me trying to end my life with a lithium overdose were my boyfriend and the fact that I would have to pay money for the cab back from the hospital if I survived.

This whole thing with my best friend is hurting me so much that I may have to end it if I keep getting suicidal about it to protect my own mental health.

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Journal

Sometimes you have to cut someone out of your life who makes you feel like shit

So my other ex who did not rape me but who has been a massive dick to me in many ways has just made me feel like shit recently. I cut him out of my life for six months before because he told me he used to be in love with me and then said that was a joke and then kept asking me to prove I wasn’t in love with him and really hurt my feelings.

Recently he said he wanted to sleep with me and then became less bothered with me and put practically no effort into our interactions which made me feel like shit and that all he cared about was sleeping with me. He also tried to cancel on me because he had a friend’s birthday when he already had plans with me and then whenever I tried to make plans with me he said that if his other friends weren’t free he would make time for me but if not no. 

I am never going to let myself be the last resort. No one deserves this and I can’t let someone make me feel like shit and make me feel worthless so I had to cut him off. 

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It’s been two years and I’m still not over the one person I was in love with 

I cried last night and today for the first time in months about this guy I dated two years ago who I was in love with. Yes, he raped me but that doesn’t change what we had; how ecstatic I felt and high on life and happy and amazing. I have met three exciting guys since but I haven’t cared for them in the same way and one of them I wasn’t even that into. I just haven’t been in love since and I miss it. I readded this guy on Facebook and tried to message him but he hasn’t replied and I doubt he will, thus proving my prediction that what happened between us is definitely over however heartbreaking it is. 

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creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry

Love is a distant memory

What felt like an eternity of being in love 

Yet now all that’s left is a shared song.

We both live on

But there is no love

In my heart.

You mean nothing to me,

You are dead to me

And yet I still listen to the song 

Like nothing happened,

Like nothing’s changed. 

Except I couldn’t be more changed 

By everything.
Now all that’s left of love is a distant memory.

So far away,

Lost,

Just a speck of dust in my mind.

It seems that time

Has lost

You. 

What once was alive

Now lies dead

In the fragile corners of my mind.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

Heartbreak series- Was it the right decision?

Time goes by and I keep asking

If it was the right decision.

The anger and the upset hurt my soul

But 10 years is so long

And my heart bleeds for those 10 years.

I know I was so angry

At your denial of the struggles that you hide,

Your denial of your constant unhappiness,

Your denial at your crippling insecurities.

But it hurts me more

Than when I loved that guy.

I don’t cry

But I feel the piercing pain inside-

It’s like a living thing has died.

And yet, just four months and I cried

Over him for a year.

10 years and I can’t seem to find a tear.

Perhaps our tie

Didn’t matter to me.

 

 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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