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I wrote you a love poem but all you could say was thank you.

My expression of adoration rejected and everything’s the same

Except it isn’t –

The word friend is tattooed on my wrist.

You write poetry too 

But you would never say you love me

At least not like that.

I have a charm that says the words love

But no one to give it to.

You rejected my charm

And broke my heart

With all your head fucks-

All the times you flirted with me, 

that time you made a move on me.

People even saw that intense expression of love in your eyes

When you looked at me

But apparently I am just a friend.
Just a friend and I am fed up with men playing with my heart.

I am fragile and I have been broken and crushed by you and two others this year.

I don’t want to ever feel so dead inside again.

This heartache has broken me and now I just want to be alone.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 201

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

A moment changes everything

It is so difficult to accept

That what was once etched in stone

Is now chalk washed out in rain.

Time to accept

That everything can change

In a moment.

You cry for months about the one you lost

Until you move on

And tattoo others into your ever changing skin.

 

It is so hard to accept

That what I thought was forever was a lie-

Forever dies

In a moment.

Sometimes goodbye is adieu

And there’s nothing you can do

But cry

Until you find someone new.

 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Rape, sexual assault, Uncategorized

So much has changed in one year and yet it hasn’t

Holding it all together
When inside I’m dying inside.

Daggers pierce my heart again
And I remind myself it is okay to feel this pain,
It’s okay not to be okay.

So much has changed in one year and yet it hasn’t.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

I am learning to live in the present and not let my past invade my mind

Thankfully one of my very good friends told me that I shouldn’t count my rape anniversary. I wasn’t really counting it, I was just aware of when it was. But anyway, I think it’s really good she made me aware that it’s not good at all to focus on that.

 

The thing with trauma is that you never really forget it and if you remember the exact date it happened it can make moving on tricky.

I have decided to not let myself think about that or think about the feelings I have towards my rapist as I need to move on and I don’t move forward with my life if I am just absorbed with the past.

I will try and distract myself with other things such as reading or watching a film if I start to think that way and I will distract myself anyway.

It is tragic that I lost so much so quickly and that it all fell apart the wrong way but there is nothing I can do but focus on the present and new better experiences.

 

 

 

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art, creative writing, depression, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

Pain is the tattoo on my skin

My scratching shows my pain-
Pain that I hide
Even from my very own mind.

Time passes and I am less overwhelmed
But it doesn’t stop the pain which overwhelms
Me,
Inking blood onto my skin.

Conflicted feelings- anger, hatred, love, lust, forgiveness, despair,
All suppressed from the one who experiences them all-
How can you hold so much emotion within one soul?

My soul died when I started to feel the sense of heartache in my heart-
The root of feeling expressed,
What feels so true.
What kills so freely,
What perishes life.
Nothing hurts more than feeling life
Within the depths of your heart
So strongly.
Not even art
Would free me of the hold he had on me.

He took my blood from my body
And he killed me.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poems, Poetry

Why are my eyes so devoid of tears? 

I want to cry about you but my eyes are devoid of tears.
I would say my heart is devoid of feelings 

But that would be a lie. 
I would say that my mind is devoid of memories with you

But that would be a lie.
I would say that my past is devoid of your imprint 

But that would be a lie.
I would say that places don’t remind me of you

But that would be a lie.
I would say that I don’t search for what we had

But that would be a lie.
I would say that I am over you

But that would be a lie.
I would say I hate you

But that would be a lie.
I would say I forget you 

But that would be a lie.
I would say I don’t forgive you

But that would be a lie.
I would say I didn’t care about you

But that would be a lie.
I want to cry about you but my eyes are devoid of tears. 
Why are my eyes so devoid of tears?

Maybe that’s what moving on is. 
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poems, Poetry

There is no consolation

Occasionally I feel a throbbing pain at the depths of my heart. 

I pour my soul out in art

To console myself,

In an attempt to forget.

But it seems you never forget

You just get better at pretending to forget. 
I want to cry but I don’t even have the consolation of tears. 

I always feared

The sharp blows of lost love.

Tears 

aren’t even enough

Because nothing makes up for what you’ve lost, 

What you once had. 

Everything else seems so insignificant in comparison to what you have lost. 

You have lost your whole world and you will never get it back. 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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