After my recent suicide attempt I was not long after admitted to hospital as I felt like I had two weeks to live and I was genuinely thinking I would slit my wrists within the next two weeks. I have never felt so low ever and so at the mercy of bipolar depression and my mental illnesses. Luckily, instead of just letting myself possibly end my all too precious life I made a call to my psychiatrist and I asked my dad to pay for me to be admitted to the private hospital.
I was there for two weeks and four days during which I was mainly really manic and fast talking. However by the time I left my rapid cycling stopped and I felt safe not long after arriving there actually.
The reason I tried to kill myself is because my psychologist crushed my dreams by saying I could not do year abroad due to my instability as I had been rapid cycling and constantly crying not long before.
After the overdose my psychiatrist said she definitely did not recommend year abroad and although she said it was ultimately my decision I decided to listen to her and not play Russian roulette with my life. It was tough and it made me very upset and depressed to do this but I know I could seriously get to a terrible place and feel so alone and actually kill myself if I went.
The alternative is not terrible; I’m going back to my original university to start my third year there.
I am not constantly crying now or planning on ending my life but it’s like anything; it will take time for me to feel more stable and be in a better place.