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If you can’t face your new self how can you recover from mental illness?

I have learnt that one of the important things with regards to my recovery from borderline personality disorder and bipolar is to accept that the reality I once faced when I was many years younger is no longer the case and that I have to accept myself for who I am and although I argue I am a lot more than my mental illnesses they are a part of who I am and I have to face my new self in order to recover.

I have to accept that I can be shitty with people because of my issues and make bad decisions and work from there to try and be a better person.

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The life of a manic depressive

It’s 3:42pm in Spain and I haven’t slept yet; I’ve been staying up all night and for a lot of the night chatting to Spanish people and other people. I also had some tequila.

I don’t want to sleep; I guess this is what you call letting the mania take control.

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Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions

Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions
— Read on petition.parliament.uk/petitions/231772

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I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better,

I’ll just have some shisha so I feel better,

I’ll just have a drink so I feel better,

I used to smoke weed to feel better,

I used to sleep with lots of guys to feel better,

I used to overdose to feel better.

Now I travel to feel better,

But is it just an escape?

And what have I been escaping all these months?

Am I still damaged from 2016?

I just don’t know so I continue to travel to feel better,

To try and find something better.

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Just because someone else hurt you so bad doesn’t mean you have to end your life to show them what the consequences were

Last night my father domestically abused me and gripped his arms so tightly around my shoulders.

As I sit here drinking another cocktail I tell myself to not rise to the occasion of hurting him so badly back and I remind myself that I am more likely to succeed because I’ve been drinking.

So no, I’m not going to overdose even though I want to because I don’t want it to go wrong and mean I actually end my life.

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I am more in control of myself when I’m manic or suicidal

Don’t get me wrong, I still overspend when I’m manic and go travelling a lot but I have learnt to control myself and not dance with other boys or sleep with them because I have a boyfriend who I love.

Also, yes I still sleep a lot when I’m depressed and I don’t go out of the house for ages, but I have learnt how to deal with suicidal thoughts or urges.

The other day I just said to myself “No,No,No” when I had a suicidal urge and another time when I thought of taking an overdose I just thought to myself “my life has value”.

I am so proud of myself for thinking my life has value when I had a suicidal thought because that is the first time I did that so I really think I’m making progress.

I really think I am a strong young woman!

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The self destructive nature of bipolar disorder

With any other illness you would expect one would take the tablets every single day like with life threatening illnesses such as epilepsy or injections for diabetes but no bipolar disorder is an illness that renders the sufferers not only to being less like to take meds when they get manic because they feel good and don’t want to come down or perhaps they just think they don’t need them but they also in some cases start drinking and taking illicit drugs when this is absolutely NOT advised for bipolar because it can just make you very ill.

Not only that but we disappoint our loved ones with the fallouts of our manic episodes leaving ourselves even more isolated than we already were and sometimes we even cause massive ruptured in personal relationships that will never be resolved and lose many friends.

Not only all of this but the worst thing is that we continue to do these things over and over again without learning how to put things right both for our recovery, our substance misuse problems and our relationships.

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