Uncategorized

No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

Advertisements
Standard
Uncategorized

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better,

I’ll just have some shisha so I feel better,

I’ll just have a drink so I feel better,

I used to smoke weed to feel better,

I used to sleep with lots of guys to feel better,

I used to overdose to feel better.

Now I travel to feel better,

But is it just an escape?

And what have I been escaping all these months?

Am I still damaged from 2016?

I just don’t know so I continue to travel to feel better,

To try and find something better.

Standard
Uncategorized

If all someone does is make you feel bad about yourself and you have a severe mental illness you just have to cut them out

So my godmother has making me feel shitty about myself for the past year. She has called me self-centred, egocentric and self-obsessed and other awful things and she also refuses to accept I have mental illnesses and need to take medication and she is just ultimately a horrible person to me.

So I decided that although she is my mother’s best friend I just had to let her go; her constant negativity was just making my borderline personality disorder really bad.

A I kept feeling shitty after every dinner with her.

B she didn’t care that I had a panic attack so severe it felt like a heart attack and she didn’t ask me how I was.

C she told me I was dropping out of uni again when I was only taking time out again.

After this very last very offensive one I decided that it was time to cut her out for my own health.

Standard
Uncategorized

Guess I’ve just got a lust for life and I can’t wait for my exciting travels

Don’t get me wrong I am ill but yet still I have a lust for life and I don’t want to die anymore:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=eP4eqhWc7sI

Standard
Uncategorized

I wrote you a love poem but all you could say was thank you.

My expression of adoration rejected and everything’s the same

Except it isn’t –

The word friend is tattooed on my wrist.

You write poetry too 

But you would never say you love me

At least not like that.

I have a charm that says the words love

But no one to give it to.

You rejected my charm

And broke my heart

With all your head fucks-

All the times you flirted with me, 

that time you made a move on me.

People even saw that intense expression of love in your eyes

When you looked at me

But apparently I am just a friend.
Just a friend and I am fed up with men playing with my heart.

I am fragile and I have been broken and crushed by you and two others this year.

I don’t want to ever feel so dead inside again.

This heartache has broken me and now I just want to be alone.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 201

Standard
Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

A letter to someone I used to care about so much who once hurt me so deeply

To the guy who hurt me so much,

As it has been almost a year now since what happened between us ended and you were violent towards me I thought it would be fitting to write this no send letter to express my feelings towards you.

Firstly, I want you to know that I don’t care about you anymore. I no longer wish that what we had was still going on.

I don’t think about you anymore. I don’t even remember our memories anymore. I’m not reminded of you when I go to places where we used to go or when I wear clothes I wore with you. I can even listen to those two songs we listened to together without thinking of you.

I don’t cry over you or about what you did to me when you raped me and I don’t think about my rape during my day to day life.

I haven’t crumbled. I am a strong warrior and I have survived what you put me through.

In short I have moved on as I no longer have feelings towards you, I don’t give a shit about you and I am not reminded of what you put me through every single day.

I am okay. Things aren’t perfect but I am self harming a lot less now.

 

Standard