I have been reading over my own blog and I have found it difficult and I wonder whether I give an accurate representation of my life.
I write posts about my bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, my trauma and my suicidal thoughts and yet throughout all of this I find that I am still able to be happy and have good times with my friends and family even throughout the pain.
Ever since I’ve been on sodium valproate I have stopped rapid cycling so much and I have stopped feeling so emotional, intense and unable to cope with life; I’m getting better.
Yes I cry sometimes like anyone but I am no longer crying every single day and oscillating from bipolar mood swing in one day.
Yes I still get suicidal sometimes but I am reaching out for help now and not overdosing again like in mid-September.
I am coming out of a severe depression, I’ve stopped drinking so much and I’ve stopped taking drugs and now the only bad thing I do is smoke or smoke shisha. I very rarely even self harm now.
I feel like things are getting better for me and I am learning that I can’t do everything I want to do like take drugs and drink to excess because of my condition.
I still have bad days and recently as I’ve cut down on my substance abuse I’ve been feeling upset about my rapes but I can work on this with my new therapist to come and I am so thankful to have a fulfilled life with so many great friends and a supportive father and a great sister.