art, creative writing, Feminism, Human Rights, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

I will show my true colours as a warrior, a fighter, a soldier my whole life

You confidently put me in a position

And I naively watched as you drew closer to me.

Then shock as I felt a combination of pain and pleasure within.

Next disassociation as flight or flight response kicked in.

But then I raised my head and pushed with all my might your violent body away from mine.

Strongly, Powerfully, bravely I triumphed and stopped you from getting your wicked way with me.

Next time when you think you managed to have your four minutes of power over me

Remember you only had one and half or two before I stopped you from succeeding at your violent act.

I showed my true colours as a warrior, a fighter, a soldier at the time.

I will show my true colours as a warrior, a fighter, a soldier my whole life.

I am strong, I am brave, I am courageous.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

 

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Blog Post, Mental Health, mental illness, Uncategorized

I feel more like well me now and I am taking control of my life

Last week I posted that I had been self harming again. I have good news; I haven’t made myself bleed and properly self harmed for about three or four days. I feel less disassociated and less in my own world.

Now I know I need to take it further and completely stop even starting to scratch myself before I stop myself; cold turkey it is for me.

Yesterday I almost didn’t take my bipolar meds because I didn’t feel like it but I am proud of myself as without having anyone else tell me I came to the conclusion that I take them for a reason and I need to take them. Suffice to say I took the meds.

So in general I feel pretty well at the moment as I’ve practically stopped self harming and my bipolar is fairly stable. I no longer feel like the noticeably manic person on another level which I feel like when I’m unstable!

 

Another great thing about tonight is that I made a decision about my life and said no and expressed what I want and what is good for me. I decided I just want to volunteer once a week rather than twice as I have Spanish and French classes, Spanish reading and therapy and I want more time for French readings.

I feel free after sharing my poems earlier, great about the fact I have been getting nearer to how I used to be before bipolar and self harm and more confident in myself that I managed to assert myself.

 

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art, creative writing, Feminism, Human Rights, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

Sex is violence

My sexual slate is charcoal coloured-
Sex is about power,
Control,
Violence,
Force,
Coercion.
It is darker than the night
And there exists no light
Even from natural pleasure in the body
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You never got what you wanted and I felt nothing for you

Your predatory lens zoomed in on my exposed, vulnerable portrait.

You roughly grabbed each corner of my picture
Whilst I consensually kissed your camera.

I don’t know why I met you again-
I was a terrified mouse in your bedroom.
Your kiss me eyes almost killed me with fright.

How dare you have the audacity to get me drunk
So you could try and have sex with me.

Your poetic wisdom will never excuse what you did-
You knew my history
And you subtly tried to use me.

Well at least you never got what you wanted from me.
I used my voice and said no to you
And felt nothing for you when I left.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

The brave mermaid

The beautiful mermaid paints her brunette hair 

And Cupid’s bow lips scarlet red

For herself, not anyone else.

Strength, power and self love surround her.

Her sexuality and sensuality is hers 

And now she is finally brave enough 

To dip her feet into the beautifully

Treacherous sea herself 

And not be plunged by someone cruel 

Against her will

Into the ocean.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence

The ultimate crime 

I wore my virginal white dress

The first day we met.

Before I was a total mess-

Before I regretted 

Ever trusting you

With my body,

My mind,

My soul. 
I denied 

The truth

Before I spoked to Rape Crisis and cried

When they told me,

“You were raped”.

I had been confused-

I didn’t understand how it happened,

Why I had a throbbing pain for days.
You spoiled my blue dress forever

With one forceful action.

I hope you know I will be changed forever

Because of your actions.
You shattered my soul

And broke my world

When you forced your sword 

Inside me.

Violation-

Power, control, authority

Over me.
I may have regained control

By eventually pushing you away

But that doesn’t change the fact you took from me,

You stole from me.
The ultimate crime-

You stole my virginity,

My choice,

My power

And a piece of my heart.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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creative writing, Poems, Poetry, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence

Permanent red lipstick stain

I hope my red lipstick stain never reminds you of me.

I want you to burn your lipstick stained poem so that nothing will ever remind you of me

As I never want a rapist to think of me.

I refuse to burn the poem as it is a brilliant poem and for me that would be a way of losing power.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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