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No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

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Uncategorized

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better,

I’ll just have some shisha so I feel better,

I’ll just have a drink so I feel better,

I used to smoke weed to feel better,

I used to sleep with lots of guys to feel better,

I used to overdose to feel better.

Now I travel to feel better,

But is it just an escape?

And what have I been escaping all these months?

Am I still damaged from 2016?

I just don’t know so I continue to travel to feel better,

To try and find something better.

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Uncategorized

I am more in control of myself when I’m manic or suicidal

Don’t get me wrong, I still overspend when I’m manic and go travelling a lot but I have learnt to control myself and not dance with other boys or sleep with them because I have a boyfriend who I love.

Also, yes I still sleep a lot when I’m depressed and I don’t go out of the house for ages, but I have learnt how to deal with suicidal thoughts or urges.

The other day I just said to myself “No,No,No” when I had a suicidal urge and another time when I thought of taking an overdose I just thought to myself “my life has value”.

I am so proud of myself for thinking my life has value when I had a suicidal thought because that is the first time I did that so I really think I’m making progress.

I really think I am a strong young woman!

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Uncategorized

I would have taken another overdose to get therapy on the NHS

Today I went to see what letters I had at the reception of my accommodation and much to my dismay there was no letter about me finally getting a psychologist on the NHS.

I took two overdoses in mid September so you would have thought that I was a priority but apparently not.

I have never felt so desperate but luckily I called up a private therapy line and my parents agreed to pay.

I want to finally sort out my borderline personality disorder so I don’t get urges to overdose.

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Uncategorized

I would have taken another overdose to get therapy on the NHS

Today I went to see what letters I had at the reception of my accommodation and much to my dismay there was no letter about me finally getting a psychologist on the NHS.

I took two overdoses in mid September so you would have thought that I was a priority but apparently not.

I have never felt so desperate but luckily I called up a private therapy line and my parents agreed to pay.

I want to finally sort out my borderline personality disorder so I don’t get urges to overdose.

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Mental Health, mental illness, Rape, sexual assault, Uncategorized

I am learning to stop codependent relationships from happening when they have only just begun

I am very proud of myself as I am learning to stop codependent relationships from happening before they have begun. I have a problem with codependency and forming unhealthy relationships so this is a massive feat.

My recent friendship with someone was based on our issues of self harm and sexual trauma. As the friendship developed I realised that I couldn’t deal with her constantly talking about her trauma and actually that it was unhealthy and unhelpful for us to constantly talk about our issues with each other. I would rather have no one to talk about my self harm with but not be bringing myself down by being around someone currently worse off than me in terms of mental health health. Maybe I need therapy for self harm? But in the past I have hardly found it helpful as they haven’t really helped me stop.

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Bipolar, bipolar disorder, Uncategorized

The importance of PRN medications

Over time I have learnt how it is important to manage one’s own mental illness or condition rather than making doctor’s appointments all the time. This week I have learned how much PRN medications can come in handy in helping me feel more stable and not needing to put my psychiatrist appointment forward.

On Monday I was extremely anxious and although my PRN medication isn’t meant for anxiety as it is an antipsychotic, when I took it it calmed me down a bit.

On Thursday I was quite manic and ran most of the way home and so I took my PRN meds. They definitely worked as I became calmer; I stopped running to and from home.

Therefore, I think PRN meds can really help people get more stable short-term and to stop crises or bad episodes from happening.

 

 

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