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No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

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I am more in control of myself when I’m manic or suicidal

Don’t get me wrong, I still overspend when I’m manic and go travelling a lot but I have learnt to control myself and not dance with other boys or sleep with them because I have a boyfriend who I love.

Also, yes I still sleep a lot when I’m depressed and I don’t go out of the house for ages, but I have learnt how to deal with suicidal thoughts or urges.

The other day I just said to myself “No,No,No” when I had a suicidal urge and another time when I thought of taking an overdose I just thought to myself “my life has value”.

I am so proud of myself for thinking my life has value when I had a suicidal thought because that is the first time I did that so I really think I’m making progress.

I really think I am a strong young woman!

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Guess I’ve just got a lust for life and I can’t wait for my exciting travels

Don’t get me wrong I am ill but yet still I have a lust for life and I don’t want to die anymore:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=eP4eqhWc7sI

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You never got what you wanted and I felt nothing for you

Your predatory lens zoomed in on my exposed, vulnerable portrait.

You roughly grabbed each corner of my picture
Whilst I consensually kissed your camera.

I don’t know why I met you again-
I was a terrified mouse in your bedroom.
Your kiss me eyes almost killed me with fright.

How dare you have the audacity to get me drunk
So you could try and have sex with me.

Your poetic wisdom will never excuse what you did-
You knew my history
And you subtly tried to use me.

Well at least you never got what you wanted from me.
I used my voice and said no to you
And felt nothing for you when I left.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

The brave mermaid

The beautiful mermaid paints her brunette hair 

And Cupid’s bow lips scarlet red

For herself, not anyone else.

Strength, power and self love surround her.

Her sexuality and sensuality is hers 

And now she is finally brave enough 

To dip her feet into the beautifully

Treacherous sea herself 

And not be plunged by someone cruel 

Against her will

Into the ocean.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

The warrior rose blooms again

Cruelty never crushed her pure petals-

The warrior rose bloomed again

After crying crimson tears into dust.

She is far too strong to ever wilt-

She defends herself from cruelty with her thorns.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You are a rapist and you disgust me

Cruel snake tempting me

With false kindness, humour, understanding-

All lies

When all you wanted was to have power over me.
Your misogynistic devil’s horns

Don’t trick me anymore.

I refuse to let your deceitful smile charm me.

I didn’t let you kill me

And you won’t overthrow me.
Undeserved, unjust, horrible violation

Of body, mind and soul.

You raped me,

You are a rapist.

You should feel terrible for the rest of your life.

For violating another human being,

For stealing from another human being,

For being so cruel to a vulnerable girl,

For taking someone’s virginity with force,

For denying what you did.

Admit to yourself that you are a rapist

But don’t be surprised that you disgust me.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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