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Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions

Guaranteed help at A&E to prevent avoidable deaths from suicide – Petitions
— Read on petition.parliament.uk/petitions/231772

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No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

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I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better

I’ll just have a cigarette so I feel better,

I’ll just have some shisha so I feel better,

I’ll just have a drink so I feel better,

I used to smoke weed to feel better,

I used to sleep with lots of guys to feel better,

I used to overdose to feel better.

Now I travel to feel better,

But is it just an escape?

And what have I been escaping all these months?

Am I still damaged from 2016?

I just don’t know so I continue to travel to feel better,

To try and find something better.

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Just because someone else hurt you so bad doesn’t mean you have to end your life to show them what the consequences were

Last night my father domestically abused me and gripped his arms so tightly around my shoulders.

As I sit here drinking another cocktail I tell myself to not rise to the occasion of hurting him so badly back and I remind myself that I am more likely to succeed because I’ve been drinking.

So no, I’m not going to overdose even though I want to because I don’t want it to go wrong and mean I actually end my life.

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I’m drowning

New post for memoir: 2nd of December: I’m drowning and I can’t get up

I’m drowning and I can’t get out of this state. This is what it feels like when you’re in a severe depressive episode from bipolar; you can’t get up from shore and most of the time you just sit or lie there hoping that eventually you will find the mental strength to swim.

Today I will go to Pret A Manger and get some lunch but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still drowning; drowning so much that I can’t face my friends and the only people I’ve really spoken to recently are my parents and my sister and my boyfriend.

I’m drowning and I can’t get up so I take one more antidepressant than I should in the hopes that this will help things.

I’m drowning and I can’t get up and yet I still miss my meds.

I’m drowning and I can’t get up and yet I still sleep through the days when my psychologist tells me I shouldn’t do this.

I’m drowning so even though I love Bojack Horseman I don’t even want to watch another episode today.

I’m drowning so all I want is hugs and cups of tea and cigarettes.

I’m drowning so I don’t even dare drink because I am almost paralysed in this state; drinking is definitely not worth it.

I’m drowning and the hardest part is some people don’t understand and never will understand what it feels like when your soul is suffocated in darkness.

I’m drowning and I can’t get up but yet I know because this has happened so many times before that this will not be forever and I will eventually have the mental energy and strength and I will get up and see my friends and get a job.

Copyright © Electra Rose December 2018

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Guess I’ve just got a lust for life and I can’t wait for my exciting travels

Don’t get me wrong I am ill but yet still I have a lust for life and I don’t want to die anymore:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=eP4eqhWc7sI

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Having great relationships with people in my life means that I can be happy and content even in extreme bipolar episodes

Last December I attempted suicide twice and almost died the last time but a lot has changed since then; in February it will be a year since I’ve ODed and although I was in hospital in the summer I have now gotten over my eating disorder problems I had a couple of months back and I haven’t self harmed in a couple of months.

I have also steered clear of drugs for maybe five or six months now.

What I am trying to say I am in a good place but it is not just helped by the fact that I have been in recovery of late; my great friends, loving boyfriend and amazing sister and loving parents have helped me stay content and happy even through the bad times.

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