Uncategorized

No, rape doesn’t ruin your life neccessarily

I have been raped twice and the first time it was society’s perceptions of how awful rape is and that it ruins someone’s life that made me think of it in such a devastating way and almost end my life in a way in which I would never come back from the suicide attempt before I ended up in the psych hospital.

But no, rape hasn’t ruined my life; I now have a very healthy sexual relationship with my darling boyfriend and thanks to great therapy I have incredibly minor PTSD .

Also, I am still the strong and determined person I have always been and I am determined to become a successful professional.

Yes, this is not without discounting the many suicidal attempts I have had, most probably directly caused by my last rape which I haven’t had therapy on in 2016 but now I am overdose free and happy.

Advertisements
Standard
Uncategorized

Just because someone else hurt you so bad doesn’t mean you have to end your life to show them what the consequences were

Last night my father domestically abused me and gripped his arms so tightly around my shoulders.

As I sit here drinking another cocktail I tell myself to not rise to the occasion of hurting him so badly back and I remind myself that I am more likely to succeed because I’ve been drinking.

So no, I’m not going to overdose even though I want to because I don’t want it to go wrong and mean I actually end my life.

Standard
creative writing, Feminism, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Rape, Sexual Violence

I Refuse To Let You Have Power Over Me 

Like a boulder you crushed me mentally, emotionally, sexually.

You left a negative imprint upon me.

Now my scar from rape is healing-

I cannot erase the wonderful memories with you from my mind,

I still wear the dresses I wore with you

And the underwear.

I refuse to let you have any power over me-

I am strong and I now feel absolutely nothing towards you

Except my locked up anger.

Copyright © C.M.H August 2015 

Standard
Feminism, Human Rights, Journal, Sexual Violence

My Recovery From Rape

I have come along way in my recovery from rape which only happened nearly 3 months ago already. It has helped me to share my full story on survivor websites, to write poetry about it and of course have therapy and talk about it. I have written numerous no send letters to my rapist and I even did the bold thing of sending my rapist a text message maturely explaining my feelings about it to get my anger out. Basically, I think I have come to terms with what happened and am starting to accept it as a part of my life. I won’t let my rape define me but it is unfortunately a part of my life.

Some positive things have come from my rape such as lots of poems written when I was processing what happened and my feelings.

I no longer have any feelings towards my rapist and in 2 months I managed to get past the hurt part of being raped and unlock my anger towards my rapist.

I didn’t report because I thought it would be too damaging for my mental health as I have bipolar disorder and am very fragile but by telling my rapist in person what he did and sending the text message and sharing the date rape post I managed to get some power back. 

I am learning from this experience that I need to be less trusting of men for my own safety in certain ways because unfortunately men don’t go around with “rapist” written on their heads, however I am aware I need to strike a balance.

I am going to continue my psychotherapy and perhaps have some more EMDR therapy as it helped me in the past to deal with sexual assaults. 

Standard
Feminism, Poème, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Rape, Sexual Violence

Rape Is Murder

Virginal rape is murder of innocence.

Rape is murder of the body,

Rape is murder of the sexuality,

Rape is murder of the soul,

Rape is murder of the heart.
Picking the petals of roses 

Without the consent of the beautiful rose is sexual assault.

Ripping the head of a rose off unlawfully is rape. 

Copyright © C.M.H August 2015

Standard
Feminism, Uncategorized

A Response to ‘Women Against Feminism.’

Every time someone says to me, “I am not a feminist but…” Or that they believe in equality but not feminism I think, but what about the feminists who fought for you right to vote, work, go to school and university and to be seen as the same as a man in the eyes of the law? If you enjoy possessing your rights as a woman don’t tell me you aren’t a feminist because those two things contradict each other.

This is a great blog post. She has expressed pretty much what I wanted to express except I would have focused more on the fact that the battle is still very far from being won in the Western world regarding violence against women and the overriding lack of justice, pregnancy discrimination, discrimination against women as they move higher up the career ladder, street and online harassment, objectification and sexualisation of women etc.

iwantedwings

Imagine this:

The year is 2014. You are a white Western woman. You wake up in the morning in a comfortably sized house or flat. You have a full or part-time job that enables you to pay your rent or mortgage. You have been to school and maybe even college or university as well. You can read and write and count. You own a car or have a driver’s licence. You have enough money in your own bank account to feed and clothe yourself. You have access to the Internet. You can vote. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend of your choosing, who you can also marry if you want to, and raise a family with. You walk down the street wearing whatever you feel like wearing. You can go to bars and clubs and sleep with whomever you want.

Your world is full of freedom and possibility.

Then you…

View original post 1,400 more words

Standard
Blog Post, Feminism

This Is My Body And I Will Do Whatever I Want With It

This Is My Body

This is beyond awesome and probably the best feminist video I have ever seen. It is incredibly empowering to see many other women strongly and assertively asserting our rights.

My body is mine and I will do whatever I want with it. You have no right to slap my arse or do anything to me without my consent.

My body is mine and I will be the one to decide if anything sexual happens or how far things go. No one has a right to ever expect sex from me just because I am a woman with a vagina.

I have a right to cheap birth control and if I choose to use birth control that does not make me promiscuous.

My body is mine and I will kiss as many people as I want. I have a right to do whatever I want with my body without facing the double standards of sexual morality and being called ‘slut’/’whore’ when boys are called players.

My body is mine and it deserves to always be treated with respect wherever I go no matter if I am drunk, sober, on drugs or whatever. I have the right to live free from violence and abuse and to not be taken advantage of.

I have the right to walk down the street without facing wolf whistles and men screaming abuse and leering at me out of their cars. No one has a right to treat my body like an object.

I have the right to abortion without providing any reason for it and no woman should ever have to provide a reason because there are many reasons but at the end of the day a woman has a right to choose what happens to her body and if she wants to have a baby or not.

My body is mine and I have the right to decide if and how much I shave my body hair. I also have the right to choose if I wear makeup or not and if I straighten or dye my hair or not.

It has taken me a while but recently I have stopped waxing/shaving my legs because the only reason I do it is because of the social rules we comply with and in order to attract men.

I used to straighten my hair a lot because of all the messages we get from the media about wavy/fluffy/frizzy hair being bad and ugly. Well, fuck that. I hardly ever straighten my hair any more but wavy and fluffy hair is just as beautiful and I refuse to succumb to the fucking patriarchal hair styling police.

I have the right to dye my own hair and wear as little clothing or as much clothing as I like and not be harassed because of it or called a slut just because I am wearing a back showing and leg showing dress. I once had a guy scream “slut” at me when I was wearing a short dress.

My body is mine; no one has a right to tell me what to eat, to not eat something or to diet. My body is not personal property and it is not something that I need to conform to society’s ridiculous beauty standards. Fuck being unhealthily bony thin and having to have breast implants, I think I will stick with trying to stay healthy for my shape and having a balanced diet and a healthy exercise regime.

My body is mine and I will never let anyone tell me what to do with it. I have the right to do what I want with my body without any questions or criticism from anyone.

Standard