art, creative writing, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

I want someone to tell me it will be okay

I want someone to tell me it will be okay
But it can’t ever be with pain under the surface
Of my life.

My body reminds me of my rape.
Of his violent body forcing itself inside
Mine.

I now bravely wear the dress I wore that day
And the bra
And I feel powerful.
But nothing can undo what he did to me,
What he took from me.

There are times I wish I could live a normal life.
Not worry that a man is going to fast
And needs to slow down.
Not feel that all men could potentially rape.
But how can I?

Instead I live this beautiful lie.
The lie that he didn’t ruin me with his act
That I’m not staying away from the axe.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

Shisha calms my bones

Blood in my blunt nails
Each time it feels I’ve failed-

Lost self, lost night, lost life.
But Shisha stopped me bleeding so much tonight.

Shisha calmed my bones.
It took me home
To a tranquil place
Where I was safe.

To stop the bleeding it seems
You have to give in to other indulgences,
Other sins.
I have too much pain stored in my bones
To cope all on my own.
My trauma doesn’t live in my mind anymore
But it’s still stuck in my bones.
I need some release,
I need some calming shisha,
A cigarette or two.
At least that isn’t as bad as subtly making myself bleed.
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

The worst things can become the best

One day that I will always remember
For the worst reasons.
But this year I have to make it good;
Filled with laughter, dancing and friendship.

The worst things can become the best;
This anniversary doesn’t have to kill me every year
As I remember what almost killed me,
Took away my life,
What gave me nightmares for so much of my life.

This year I take note that I am okay,
No longer in a manic haze.
That I haven’t tried to kill myself in almost a year.
That I can’t remember the last time I had nightmares
Or got really scared of men and had anxiety attacks.
That my depressions aren’t as bad anymore.
These things are worth celebrating.

My rape hasn’t ruined my life.
I am living.
And I wouldn’t get rid of if it from my past if I could
Because it is a part of me,
A part of my life experience
That has made me the person I am today.

I have more empathy, I have my compassion, I feel for people suffering
And I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

Please don’t tell me this is goodbye

Your best friend heart still stays
On my bracelet
Even though you no longer mean anything
To me.

You never gave me a best friend charm
And yet you mean so much to me.

They ignored me and I didn’t care.
You ignored me and I cried.

Please don’t tell me this is goodbye
Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, mania, Mental Health, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

It is a false world we live in

I am a young woman aching with pain.

Pain from my scratches

subtly seeps through my veins

until it is on display.

I don’t want fame.

I just want them to understand, listen, empathise, believe.

 

It is a false world we live in

when the people who aren’t okay

and are struggling the most

Have to pretend they are okay

to fit into this false world.

 

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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art, creative writing, mental illness, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, ptsd, Rape, sexual assault, Sexual Violence, Uncategorized

You are stuck in my body

What was never properly begun

Is now etched into my skin the wrong way.

You are out of my head

But I can’t remove the scars from my body.
Copyright © Electra Rose April 2016

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art, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, creative writing, Poème, Poemas, Poems, Poesia, Poetry, Uncategorized

I have been longing for more than your lips

Whilst your bones were brushing mine
Innocently,
The sweetest lighting aroused my spine.

Of course I wanted you to press a rose into my lips-
Shyness stopped me.
Of course I desired your kiss!

You holding me close
Whilst I tasted your lips
Didn’t rid me of my longing, yearning, desire
For more than your lips.

I have spent all week anticipating the moment I would kiss you,
Hold you,
Touch you,
Let you touch me,
Let you satisfy me with you mouth,
Make love to you.

Copyright © Electra Rose January 2016

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